Road to Recovery

I never want to do anything anymore.  I feel like I’m on autopilot everyday. I don’t have any life in me anymore. No more smiles. No more laughs. No more giggles, chuckles, or jokes.  I am not the person I was a year and a half ago.  I hate myself and who I’ve become.  This disorder effects EVERYTHING in my life.  My confidence, my body, my relationships, school, my attitudes, my eating (duh), my weight…literally everything.

I have so much to live for, but all I want is to be happy.  I’m just getting sicker and sicker.  I need help.  I’m already going to a nutritionist and a therapist, but I feel like I need more.  The people around me suffer because of the state that I’m in, and it makes me suffer even more because I don’t want to see them like that.  I don’t know how no one at school has found out about this.  It amazes me how I can walk in there with a smile as fake as some of the girls at my school with a disorder like mine.

I feel like I don’t deserve anything. A car, my job, my license, my straight A’s (which I don’t know how the hell i managed that with this going on), my boyfriend, my friends, my family. No one understands. 

All I ever want anymore is to sleep, eat, and be alone. I’m an introvert. and it sucks.